Saturday, December 4, 2010

My paraphrasing and commentary of "5 tips for meeting women" by some dude bro.

1: Even if you're not confident, try to pretend to have some semblance of self esteem when introducing yourself.
- I guess this is a good point. Nobody feels comfortable talking to someone who is jittery and awkward and always trying to back out of a conversation. But if you're this way normally, putting up a good show is only going to get you through a single painful conversation. There's a long string of them ahead and the girl will figure you out eventually. Here's a better tip: wait until you're 4 drinks in and then the initial conversation won't be as bothersome. (Or if it is you won't care.) Then just make sure you show up early to each date thereafter and down a drink or three before she arrives. This carries the added bonus of knowing exactly why you later won't remember the details of what she said, as opposed to the mystery my memory sometimes is.

2: It's not about you.
- This lesson's title makes it sound like it's going to be about asking girls questions to move the conversation along, but instead the lesson is: things are easier if you have a buddy. This is obviously true. Lots of life is easier if you can find a friend to suffer through it with you. I don't know how you could even tolerate being in a bar or at a party with no friends.

3: Approach a group of girls.
- Because I guess a girl likes it when she isn't sure if you're hitting on her or her friend. Somehow the author thinks you can just swoop in and be friendly without hitting on or getting rejected by any specific girl. Yeah, right. What a weird, creepy idea. If I was hanging out with friends and a girl swooped in to be funny and friendly with all of us, we would probably think she was crazy. Or that she wanted all of us. I bet that's what the girls assume when a guy does it. And it's probably true because it sounds like the work of a man out looking for anything he can find. Mystery does this but he mixes in negs to keep the girls unsure of whether he wants them. That's probably a good tip if you're going to try to creep into a group this way. Also, I don't approve of sucking up to friends or the herd mentality to which it caters.

4: Beckon with your index finger for a girl across the room to come over.
- Dang, don't give away insider secrets! My trick is to do the index finger beckoning while slowly licking my lips, and then at the end I punctuate it with a pelvic thrust! It works every time. Either that or it's about as creepy as I imagine. A girl would have to be super cute in order for me to not feel weird about a predatory finger beckoning. (And she couldn't be at all sketchy in a dangerous way or I'm out of there. Girls with Russian accents: this move is not for you.) Responding to that beckon is a commitment and a half!

5: Don't worry about the rejections.
- This is decent advice, though its definitely easier said than done. And its common knowledge when you're selling anything door-to-door.

(Forum comments about the HP and the Deathly Hallows)
goodterling: More like Harry Potter and the Long Ass Camping Trip. This movie sucked!


AKA Tha Schust said...

Actually, the point of approaching a "group of girls" is to be friendly to only the "ugly" one, which makes the "hot" one(s) jealous. Or so the theory goes. It's predatory psychology at its finest.

joe said...

If I had an ugly dude friend, which I don't because I avoid those people, if some random girl got all flirty with him I don't think I'd be jealous. I'd just be entertained by the unusual turn of events. (As I think my friends are when I get a girl.) Shouldn't girls be the same?

I like the newest xkcd redone comic. Interesting, ambiguous story and clever formatting.

AKA Tha Schust said...

Well according to certain sources women are different from men. That might be a bit of a shocker, so I'll give you a chance to let it sink in.

Glad you like the remix. It's actually the last part of a series, if you didn't know.

joe said...

It feels sexist to assume that women can't have other women as true friends, they only have friendly rivals. I guess I've seen tv shows that promote that theory but I refuse to believe it.

I think most girls would be happy that their friend is having a good time. It would only upset them if the guy who was flirting heavily with the friend then tried to switch targets.

On the other hand if you go out looking for jealous girls, I'm sure you could find some.