Tuesday, January 15, 2008

because someone has to think about it

I don't really mind sitting next to fat people on the metro. They always sit on the ends of my coat because they overflow their seat, but that's alright. I can accept that some people just don't like standing and it doesn't bother me when people sit next to me.

What does kinda bother me is when fat women sit next to me and we're going over the bridge over the Potomac. I always think, "What if there's some kind of accident and the train derails into the water?" Julie probably started me worrying about that, because I never did until she suggested it. If my train does derail, I tend to think that I'll be okay. The bridge is probably only like 20 feet above the water and the fact that it can't all derail at once means that it won't be a straight drop. In fact, we'd probably hit the water relatively softly. Then it'd be every man for himself, and I can hold my breath and swim pretty well, and chances are decent that I'd be alright.

Now put an overweight older lady next to me. It's a well studied fact (I know from seeing many movies) that in an emergency she's either going to pass out and trap me against the wall, or latch onto me and start wailing in panic. When your vehicle goes into the water pretty much ever second counts, you want to get out before you sink too deep. I bet the time spent trying to either detach the wailing old lady ("You're never going to make it, Granny!") or else lever her unconscious mass out of the seat enough for me to squeeze out, those wasted seconds at least halve my odds of surviving.

Just something to keep in mind.

me: You haven't seen many movies. But that's okay, nobody's perfect.
Kate: I don't have as much free time as you.
me: You usually get out of work around like 5:30. Where does all your free time go? Do you have a hobby I don't know about?
Kate: A hobby? Yeah, my hobby is another man.
(that would be both hilarious and sad if it was Kate's break up technique. But I don't think it is.)

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